Take Care

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and as much as we now hear about mental health in the news, I think there are still some critical points that could be amplified when it comes to women.

Like how women’s rising mental health challenges are not only a function of their hormonal biology or specific emotional regulation, but how women are increasingly both bearing the world’s social load while taking financial and physical responsibility for their families - and other than each other, there is not much for us to lean on.

Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, PTSD, perinatal mental health issues, menopause, gender-based violence and trauma, balancing work and family, and body image issues are all very real challenges for the almost 27% of women seeking support.

There is also concern regarding men’s mental health who are buckling under societal pressures to present and perform an impossible masculine standard that doesn't wear well in the modern world and is leading to depression (which can often be masked by excessive work, substance abuse and anger) and anxiety.

Our familial, personal and professional relationships are inescapably co-ed so the fact that both groups are struggling, and that we’re often pitted against each other in this struggle, is a signal that something urgently needs to change.

It is easy to look to the past and say things were better way back when, but the solution does not lie in returning to a time where women’s intellectual and financial pursuits are sidelined and men continue to be defined by their ability to produce and financially provide for a family. The fact is that economic growth can be directly tied to women taking bigger roles in society and that men have more to offer than just their productivity.

So when it comes to career, what can women do to continue on their own path, reject the gallery calls to get back into the kitchen, and avoid burnout along the way?

Define what “having it all” means to you

First, define and stick to your own version of what “having it all” means to you. When you really dig into it, there are 5-6 themes that really sit at the core of what makes you happy and fulfilled, and they can be expressed in many different ways throughout your life.

By bringing intention and focus to these themes, you will avoid the pitfalls of comparing yourself to others in unrealistic and irrelevant contexts which can result in validating core irrational beliefs that we aren’t good enough or not reaching our potential.

Set 3-5 priorities, with work + home as a single category

A long time ago, I stopped keeping priority lists for work and home separately and it changed things for me. We only have so much time and if you want to get real about work + life integration or balance, you have to consider them together or you’ll always feel like things are falling through the cracks.

Thinking about and making decisions regarding what is really important and spending your time and focus there helps you determine what gets relegated on the calendar or delegated to other people, without the guilt.

There will be times where you spend more effort in one than the other and then it will shift, but it really does all shake out in the end.

Set and maintain boundaries

When it comes to working outside of your job scope, performing emotional labor or being the target of microaggressions at work, women need to set and hold boundaries to protect their time and mental health.

Sometimes the actual setting of boundaries is powerful in just having this conversation with yourself and thinking about what you need. Once you do, it’s about communicating these boundaries to others.

Holding boundaries is, of course, the hardest part because there will always be people that consciously or subconsciously test your resolve. Gently remind them of your boundaries and communicate appropriate consequences if the behavior continues.

Touch grass, respectfully

Ground yourself when things get confusing or tough. Pulling yourself into the present, noticing who and what is around you, putting your screen away and engaging in the real world can bring perspective when you feel overwhelmed.

I used to feel so much stress at work about certain meetings and behaviors in these meetings and many of us had to remind ourselves that “we make eyeglasses” and the world is not going to end if a CEO-baby doesn’t get what he thinks he wants. Lower the stakes and try not to catastrophize. To quote Cher, “If it doesn’t matter in 5 years, it doesn’t matter.”

Build and Lean on your support system

Support systems are vital to women.

The lack of and declining state of social services means that women are filling in the gaps and we are often doing it for each other, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we are making the deep connections that we need to in order to feel supported in community.

Identify what you need, what you can offer others, and seek out new connections while also cultivating the connections that you already have. Be vulnerable, and willing to accept help and engage with others to provide equal support in areas that you are able.

Think quality, not quantity.

Know when to Seek professional help

Listen, there is no shame in seeking out a professional if you are struggling. Though the stigma of mental health has lessened over time, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t still there.

But I can tell you that I have seen a therapist off and on my entire life, have invested in executive coaching for career-related guidance and have never regretted these decisions.

You do need to find the right person for you and that can take a couple of tries, but when you do, it can change your life completely - and hey, you’ve just expanded your support system even further to be drawn upon whenever you need.

Mental health is complex with a wide spectrum and depending on the privilege we each have, it is not always possible to understand what is going on for others who are more deeply oppressed or disadvantaged than we are.

By taking steps to manage our own mental health, tapping into our curiosity and compassion versus fear and judgment when we see someone going through something, and keeping informed about signs that point to more serious situations with ourselves and others, we can take care of each other and improve our shared human experience.

If you are in a situation today where you know you need and deserve support when it comes to your career, we’re here to help. Visit us at Saronge to get to know us and set up a free consultation to get into what you’re going through.